Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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