I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
