i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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