I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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