allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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