I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
