HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
