I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
