here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject