i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
