my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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