so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
