I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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