I cockslap morals
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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