Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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