Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
