He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
