Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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