His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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