Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
