The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
