I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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