Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
