So drunk its hurt
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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