Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
