I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
