I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
