you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
