TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
