If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
