He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
