I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
