It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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