You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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