I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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