New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
