wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
