I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
