Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
