Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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