But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
