I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
