So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
