I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
