Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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