I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
