I feel great
I just peed on a car
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
