I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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