Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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