SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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