I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize