just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
