For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize