I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
