He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
