I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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