he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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