I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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