I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
