i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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