In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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