I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
