can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
