you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
